Why I just washed raw turkey juice off my face

About 10 years ago, my grandmother gave me a cookbook composed entirely of turkey recipes. I haven't really used the recipes, but one statement in the book's introduction has stayed with me all these years. Turkey is a cheap source of quality lean protein and you can feed your family for a week on one turkey.


My husband's employer gives away free turkeys every year to each employee. Our first year of marraige, I made a heroic first attempt to cook the whole turkey. The scene was not like a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving table. It was an enormous mess. I remember Jason saying, "We are never going to do this again."


So last year, I learned how to cook just the turkey breast. It is still a sizable portion of meat and after a few attempts I became quite proficient at it. It fulfills that guilty part of me that still clings to the cheap protein feeding the family bit.


I took the summer off from the turkey cooking, but on a recent trip to Wal-Mart, we (by that I mean me and the 3 small children) hastily picked up what I thought was another frozen turkey breast. I have been thawing it in the fridge since last Thursday. I have been avoiding the thawed bird in the fridge like the plague, because delving into large quantities of raw meat with the little people running around needing constant attention is such a complicated task.


Finally I hauled the package out and heaved it into the sink. The thing weighs 15 pounds! I cut it open to realize that 1) this is not just the turkey breast, it is the whole turkey complete with neck and bag of mystery brown juice inside and 2) it is STILL frozen inside and 3) it is 4:30 pm and it needs to cook for 20 minutes per pound. In spite of these realizations, I plunge ahead and try to free the turkey from this plastic device that appears to be wound all around its leg parts. Surely the plastic is not meant for the hot oven. As I finally pry the plastic free from its frozen grip, the juice sprays all over my face. Nasty! Then I turn the bird around this way and that and there is some mystery part hanging off the end of the turkey. This must be the Butt of the turkey. Surely we need not cook that portion. So I cut that off with scissors. Now. To find a pan...
the largest pan I can find is a 9 x 13 and even when buttless, the turkey appears to be a bit too cozy in this pan. So now I must surrender and call the home economics hotline. My mother in law. Needless to say the turkey was returned to its roost in the fridge for now. I have a looooong way to go in the homemaking realm.