20 days

Sam has been sick with his poorly defined GI issues since June 25.  He does not eat much, but we are used to that.  The thing that is hard is that he acts miserable the whole time, crying and whining, and needing to be held.  He has no ability to cope with anything and no ability to play on his own.  It is exhausting and discouraging and tends to consume our family as much as we try not to let it.  If I was not in the middle of this situation, I would say it sounds like you just have a 2 year old who needs a good spanking.  But, I am being humbled all the time and learning I just cannot understand what kinds of burdens others carry.  I want to have more grace- I sure do need it from others.  I want to be more like Jesus and less like the self righteous, judgmental sinner that I am.  I want to be more thankful and joyful in every circumstance.  As I was feeling so deeply sad yesterday, I was reminded once again there are families who have deeper hurts and need my prayers.  It is a dark path to walk when there are no answers, no clear diagnoses, no cures.  But in this darkness we must walk by faith- there is no other way.

When we go through these cycles with Sam, it feels like I can’t breathe.  After awhile it feels like drowning.  Then as crazy as this sounds, one day, like today, he gets up, eats normally, and goes off to play with his brothers.  The difference in him is so dramatic.  Its beautiful to know little Sam when he is feeling good- its like he is making up for lost time by taking on three fold exuberant joy for life; full speed, full volume, non-stop happy boy.  A huge weight is lifted and we come up for air.